Late Night Post

So I haven posted all day. I haven't been busy, I have a week off of school. I got bad news today as far as my grades go, but I've been praying to God about it. I think he wants to teach me something out of this situation. Gob never put anything on your plate you can't handle. I have lost a total of 9.2 lbs! I haven't been super hungry either, which is good. I can fit into pants I haven't worn since the beginning of last year. No carbs really suck. I really miss penne vodka, pasta of any kind, potatoes, rice, and couscous. I had a couple bites of breaded chicken in my salad, naturally I flipped out a bit! Besides that little slip up I haven't had a carb since new years eve. Same with alcohol. If you know me you know I love wine with a passion! But being without it has made my diet so much easier. It kinda sucks but I thought to myself today when I heard the bad news about school, what would that glass of wine help? It would make me feel worse, bloated, and munch out on whatever I wanted. Plus I don't know if I have my tolerance any more, and if not, what if I get drunk on accident and make butter noodles? Is it worth stepping on that scale and seeing all of your work and progress gone, no it's not. I even had a friend trying to get me to eat chocolate, I politely declined and she kept saying eat it eat it! I wasn't gonna make a scene at the table at school and say I am on a diet and can't eat it. I just said no over and over again. I am stronger then I use to be. I use to say sure, take a bite and write it, its ok if its a little right? Wrong. For me if I am going to eat chocolate cake, its going to be a molten lava cake with whipped cream. I am an all or nothing kind of person. If I let myself have a little I will crumble everything I have worked for. I really want to wake up in the morning with the scale saying -10. Of course its not my goal and I still have a lot to go but it is a huge. I am even more excited for the end of the weekend. If I stay on track I should hit the 170s. If I hate those I may cry. I haven't been that size since Disney, almost two years ago. When I get to 160s I will be the size I was when I arrived to college. When I get to 150s that will be the size I was my senior year of college. When I get to 140s that will be my junior year. When I get the 130s that will be the size I was at the begging of school. My ultimate goal is 125, but I want to be fit too, which may make it hard to become below 130. If I was 130 I would always ware crop tops, I would get a belly ring and rock it, why the hell not, I worked hard for this. I just thought I would vent to you about what my weight loss would be to me. I don't have a date I want to hit all of this by, but I want to be this at some point, and continuously losing. When I go to Italy I want to look good! So August, 8 months, we will see. Alright I may go to sleep now cioa